Beth-El Baptist Church

02/06/2011

Greg Tomlinson


How should couples deal with disagreements with one another?


Many families break apart due to arguments over various topics such as finances, time, children, relatives, and many other topics. It is important for couples to learn how to work through their disagreements in a way that does not damage the relationship but enhances it.


  1. What should be done before the conversation takes place?

Proverbs 18:13; 18:17; 25:2 – Consider all of the information

Proverbs 19:20-21; Romans 15:4 – Obtain counsel from God's word

Proverbs 11:14; 15:22 – Obtain counsel from others, especially the people of God

Proverbs 3:5-7; Jeremiah 17:7-10 – Be careful about trusting your own ideas and instincts


It is imperative that a proper understanding of the various points of view and options be understood clearly and that they be understood in light of God's word. In many cases, the answer will become obvious as the heart of God, through His word and through other believers, is used to examine what is going on. When a person trusts his own instincts first, he can be lead astray because his judgment will very often be clouded by his own selfishness and the reality of his sin nature.


  1. What guidelines should there be for carrying out the conversation?

Ephesians 5:18-21; 1 Peter 3:7-9 – Respect one another

Proverbs 25:12; 27:6 – Be ready to accept and follow after appropriate correction

Proverbs 17:14; 25:8-10 – Attack the issue, not each other

Proverbs 15:2; 15:23; 25:11; Philippians 2:3-4 – Use words to build up one another

1 Corinthians 2:9-10; 6:1-8 – Be willing to be wronged in order to maintain the relationship

Ephesians 4:29-32 – Have a heart to forgive and to seek forgiveness


Every marriage is the union of two sinners. As a result of this truth, it is crucial that a heart of forgiveness already be present by understanding how much God has already forgiven you for on behalf of your relationship with Jesus Christ. This will be demonstrated through mutual respect, focusing on the problem rather than winning or damaging the other. It is also demonstrated through a willingness to accept being wronged in order that the person of Christ might be magnified through you as peace will be maintained.


  1. How should the conversation take place?

Proverbs 29:11; James 1:18-20 – Listen to understand the other person's point of view

Proverbs 15:1 – Speak quietly and calmly

Ephesians 4:26-27 – Keep anger in control

Romans 12:17-21; 14:17-19 – Continually seek to maintain peace in the relationship

Ecclesiastes 7:8-10; Romans 8:27-32 – Focus on the issue and not on past disagreements or events


Every conversation over disagreements should be filled with listening to one another in order to understand what the other person means, feels, and understands. When speaking, each person should speak calmly, quietly, and rationally so that anger does not gain control and the conversation depart being a conversation seeking resolution and becomes an argument seeking to win at all costs.


  1. What should be the approach to solving the issue?

Romans 15:1-3; 2 Corinthians 12:19; Philippians 2:1-4 – Seek to benefit the other more than yourself

Numbers 30:1-16 – The husband, as the head of the house, bears the bulk of the responsibility

Matthew 5:33-37 – Accept responsibility for the decision


As solutions are analyzed, selfishness will be kept in check as the solution that is workable and benefits the other more than yourself is often a prudent action to take. Ultimately it is the husband, who is the head of the house, who carries the ramifications of the decision but the decision is to be made in such a way that he is not the only beneficiary. Once the course of action is decided upon, the course should be maintained. Corrections can be made as new information surfaces and God's word sheds further light on the subject.