Beth-El Baptist Church

11/16/2008

Greg Tomlinson


How should I deal with unmarried adult child intimacy in my home?


In this time of unprecedented attempts at redefining marriage and intimate relationships in general, there is sure to be clashes between Christians and their adult children who may or may not affirm faith in Christ and adopt the world's definition of what constitutes an intimate relationship. Intermixed with this is the Christian's desire to not come across as judgmental nor to cause undo friction with the children. There is therefore a common tendency to seek to appease the child when they either move back home or come for a visit and want to sleep in the same room as their boyfriend or girlfriend, especially if they are currently living together.


  1. What should be the source of the rules of behavior in your house?

Joshua 24:14-15 Ephesians 6:4

Psalm 119:105-106 John 14:15

1 John 5:3 1 Timothy 3:2-5


The Word of God, the scriptures are to be the foundation of the rules of the Christian house. Those outside of the house can establish whatever boundaries they deem necessary, but the owner of the house is the one that establishes the rules for his house. The rules need to be clear, enforceable, with the authority of the scriptures behind them. Where the scriptures are silent on a particular issue (such as TV viewing, music listening, time to eat, etc.), the head of the house can establish the rules within the boundaries of the scriptures.


  1. What message are you sending to them if you let them do so?

Numbers 30:3-5 Matthew 5:19; 20:30-34

2 Samuel 13:20-27 Psalm 83:1-5; 109:1-3

Isaiah 62:1-6 Luke 20:26

Acts 18:9-10 Proverbs 12:15; 17:28


When there is silence in the house regarding a particular issue, it ultimately be viewed as acceptance and approval. Without saying 'no' to biblically sinful behavior, it is the same as saying yes to the behavior (Judges 21:25). If your child wants to share their bedroom with what is or could be an intimate friend and you let them, the message is loud and clear that the behavior is deemed acceptable.


  1. What intimate relationships should be allowed?

1 Corinthians 7:1-3 Genesis 2:24

Matthew 19:3-6 Mark 10:6-9

Leviticus 21:9 Deuteronomy 22:20-21, 22-24, 28-29

Ephesians 5:31-32 Leviticus 20:13

Romans 1:26-27


The scriptures are clear that the only Biblically acceptable sexually intimate relationship is the relationship between one man and one woman. Sexual intimacy with someone that you are not married to, whether someone else's spouse or your special friend, is unacceptable in the eyes of God. It is clearly identified as a form of harlotry or whoredom.


  1. With same sex “marriages” becoming legal in many states, would it be acceptable for a same sex “married” couple to sleep together?

Acts 4:19 Matthew 6:24; 12:35-37

Ephesians 4:14-15 Mark 7:7-9


There is in our society, two different sets of laws. There is the law of man and there is the law of God. As long as man's law does not contradict God's law, then we are to obey the laws of man. If the law of man contradicts the law of God, the the Christian is bound by God to ignore the law of man and uphold the law of God. It is the law of God that reigns supreme.


Summary:


The Christian parent while not seeking to offend their children, must be certain that they do not purposefully offend their God either. To allow their adult child to share the bed with someone they are not married to in your house to the same as approving the relationship. Even if the relationship is considered legal by man's standards, it is illegal by God's standards. It is God's rule that reigns supreme and must in all cases be adhered to.