Beth-El Baptist Church

01/08/06

Greg Tomlinson

I find myself divorced, now what are my options?

Every year, thousands of men and women, both inside and outside the church, suddenly find themselves divorced. In the middle many of these divorces are children and their non-working mothers. As a Christian who finds himself or herself divorced, what are the options to going forward? The primary text to deal with regarding marriage and divorce is found in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. This chapter will be broken down and looked at to gain insight into the issue of divorce and remarriage. The answer to what the divorced individual can do will be extracted from the text and summarized in the conclusion. Extra emphasis will be placed on those passages that deal specifically with divorce.

1. vv1-5 – General information regarding marriage

a. vv1-2 – To avoid fornication, marry

i. Ephesians 5:2-4

b. vv3-5 – Dual submission of husband and wife in marriage

i. Hebrews 13:4

ii. Ephesians 5:32-33

2. vv6-9 – To unmarried and widows

a. v6 – What follows is by permission, not by commandment

i. 2 Timothy 3:16

ii. 2 Peter 1:20

b. vv7-8 – Marriage and singleness are gifts from God

c. v9 – Better to marry than be overwhelmed by lust

i. Role of Law and Grace

1. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13

2. 1 Corinthians 10:23-24

ii. Eternal security (can’t lose salvation)

1. Romans 8:1-3

2. John 10:27-29

iii. Judgment

1. 1 Corinthians 4:3-4

2. 2 John 1:6

iv. Law

1. Deuteronomy 24:1-4

2. Matthew 5:27-28

v. Divorce and remarriage is not the unforgivable sin. There is grace in Jesus Christ and he loves you regardless of what you do. While remarriage is not the highest ideal, salvation is of Jesus Christ and not by our own works, effort, behavior, level of obedience since Jesus looks not at the outward appearance, but at the heart.

1. Matthew 19:12

2. 1 Samuel 16:7

3. vv10-24 – To married

a. vv10-11 – Both believers

i. Ephesians 5:31-33

ii. Malachi 2:16

b. vv12-24 – Mixed believers/unbelievers already in marriage

i. vv12-14 – Keep marriage together

1. Assumed married before one comes to Christ

a. Don’t go there!!!!

b. 2 Corinthians 6:14-17

c. Amos 3:3

2. Malachi 2:16

ii. vv15-16 – Don’t fight the unbeliever

1. Romans 12:17-19

2. Colossians 3:15

3. 1 Peter 3:1-4

iii. vv17-24 – Illustrations

1. v17 – Remain in state in which you were called

2. vv18-19 – Circumcision illustration

3. v20 – Remain in state in which you were called

4. vv21-23 – Slavery illustration

5. v24 – Remain in state in which you were called

6. Summary: Called to Christ already married – keep married

4. vv25-26 – To virgins

a. Parenthetical pause. Paul really does not say much about virgins. Do notice that Paul specifically separates ‘unmarried’ and ‘virgins’. As a result of that separation, the ‘unmarried’ is assumed to be directed toward those who are divorced.

b. v25 – No direct commandment

c. v26 – Keep single – due to current circumstances

i. This is not a general statement for all of time and for all people. It is specifically targeting virgins living at Paul’s time in life.

ii. Most likely due to severe persecution

1. Acts 8:1-2

2. Acts 13:50

3. 1 Corinthians 4:10-13

4. 1 Thessalonians 2:14-16

5. 2 Timothy 3:12

6. Revelation 12:13-17

5. vv27-35 – Advice to the married or unmarried

a. vv27-28 – Looking to the future

i. v27 – Married should not look for nor seek for divorce

ii. v27 – Divorced should not look for nor seek for marriage

iii. v28a – Divorced individual getting married does not sin

iv. v28b – Virgin getting married does not sin

v. Note that Paul highlights the virgin getting married does not sin in 28b, who then is not sinning if getting married in 28a? This must be the one in v27 that is ‘loosed’ from a wife, who finds a wife even though he is not looking for one.

vi. Hebrews 12:1-2

vii. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

viii. 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

b. vv29-35 – Differences between

i. Whether married or unmarried. Focus on God.

1. Matthew 6:33-34

2. Colossians 3:1-3

ii. vv29-31 – Life focused on Jesus

1. v29 – Although married, place Jesus first. (Matthew 20:37-38)

2. v30a – Difficult marriage – focus on Jesus (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

3. v30b – Great marriage – focus on Jesus (1 Corinthians 2:9-10)

4. v30c – Great possessions – focus on Jesus (Luke 12:16-21)

5. v31 – Great business – focus on Jesus

iii. vv32-35 – Where is your heart and servant attitude?

1. v32, 34a – unmarried/virgin focus on God

2. v33, 34b – married focus on pleasing marriage partner

3. v35 – highest ideal, focus on God without distraction

6. vv36-38 – To virgins

a. v36 – Intimate desires and of proper age – marry

b. v37 – Lacking intimate desires – do not marry

c. v38 – Neither marriage nor singleness is by itself, by nature sin

7. vv39-40 – God’s eye view of being married

a. Once married, always married. A divorce does not change the view of your marital relationship in God’s eye. You are still married. It would then seem consistent that if you get a divorced and get remarried that you then have multiple spouses at the current time.

Preliminary summary of God’s teaching through Paul on the issue of marriage and divorced.

1. Two believers getting divorced is sin (vv10-11)

2. Believer and unbeliever getting divorced; while not God’s ideal is not to be fought as much as if both are believers (vv12-15)

3. It is only the unbeliever that is to consider filing for divorce (v15)

4. Divorced individual getting remarried; while not God’s ideal, it is also does not result in the loss of salvation and is not sin in the same way that the alternative of fornication would be (vv6-9, 28)

5. Divorced individual is not to seek out a marriage partner (v27)

Specific questions regarding being divorced based on the previous findings.

1. Can I get married again?

If the marriage were dissolved due to an unbeliever abandoning the marriage, then (v15) would indicate that remarriage would be a possibility but not the ideal.

If the alternative would be ‘uncontrollable’ passion and lust, then remarriage, while not the ideal would be preferable over fornication and absolute dysfunction as a result (v9).

The ideal situation would be to remain unmarried and serving God (vv32-35)

2. Should I join a singles Bible study or a Christian dating service?

These options would be more in line with ‘seeking a wife’ (v27) and should not be done. If it is God’s desire to have you remarried, then leave the ‘getting together’ part up to him. Do not seek a marriage partner nor deceive yourself about being ‘just friends’.

3. Does the bible record any divorces?

There are several divorces identified in scripture.

Ezra 9-10, Nehemiah 13 – Israelites had married non-Israelites despite its prohibition in the Law. They were called to separate themselves from their strange wives. The difference is that Israel at this time was under Law and not under Grace.

Isaiah 50:1, Jeremiah 3:8

God and Israel divorced as a result of Israel’s continual rejection of God through idolatry (adultery). This was also under Law and not under Grace. The divorce transpired and God was wed to another under very different circumstances.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Revelation 19:9

Summary

While divorce is a sin in God’s eyes, it is important to remember that we live under grace and not under the Law. When a divorce occurs, it does break God’s heart, but it also does not affect the eternal state of the individuals that are involved. God is rich in mercy and grace through whom there is salvation. Anyone who finds themselves being forced into divorce is not to seek to be remarried but the option of remarriage is preferable over living with intense lustful desires.