Beth-El Baptist Church
11/20/05
Greg Tomlinson
Can I file for divorce because …?
Currently the law in the United States regarding divorce and remarriage is wide open and available to all for any case. In the past we had looked at the particulars of divorce and the scriptures and the justification for divorce as a Christian. There are many reasons that people give for wanting a divorce and the desire to understand what the scriptures have to say about those issues.
1. Can I file for divorce because my spouse …?
The key to this first question is the word ‘can’. The word ‘can’ is often associated with having an ability to do something. If this is the reasoning behind the question, then what does the scriptures have to say about having the ability to file for divorce.
1 Corinthians 10:23-24
The act of filing for divorce is ‘lawful’, but that is a secondary question. The question that needs to be asked is whether or not the divorce edifies another or is for the benefit of others.
Mark 10:2-9
Having the desire to file for divorce points to the hardness of the heart with and intension of wanting to break apart what God has put together.
2. What if God did not put the couple together because the believer married an unbeliever, which is contrary to scripture (2 Corinthians 6:14)?
1 Corinthians 7:12-13, 15-16, 20-24, 27
Whether you married an unbeliever or not, the response is the same. It is not the believer who is to ask for the divorce from the unbeliever but from the perspective of the believer, they are to dwell together for all eternity. It also does not make a difference if both were unbelievers at marriage and only one became a believer for you are to remain in the position in which you were called. If you were married, you are to remain married.
3. What if the husband and wife no longer love one another?
The fundamental problem with this stand is in the understanding of love. For what is love?
Galatians 2:20; 5:22-23
1 John 3:23; 4:7-8, 10-11
2 John 1:6
John 3:16-17; 10:15-17; 15:13
Ephesians 5:25
Romans 5:6-8
1 Corinthians 7:10-11, 15
According to scripture, love is not a feeling or an emotion. Love is the essence of God and it is in essence a gift. It is to be given away. There is absolutely no expectation that love will be reciprocated, but the love of the Bible, the love that a husband and wife are to have for each other, is a sacrificial love that expects absolutely nothing in return. Jesus did not give his life for the sins of the world because he had to but because he wanted to. Jesus gave away his life in exchange for the life of people that absolutely positively hated him in every possible way. The love of a husband and a wife is to reflect that. No matter what the husband or wife has done, the proper biblical response is to love, love expecting nothing in return.
4. What if the husband or wife has defiled the marriage by having committed adultery?
Jeremiah 3:1
Hebrews 11:6
Matthew 6:11
Ephesians 4:30-32
Colossians 2:13-14
1 John 2:12
While to most people, even Christians, the vast majority of people would say that divorce is fully justified in the eyes of God. Scripture calls us to look not at others, but at Jesus Christ. Jesus calls us to ‘forgive … as we forgive …’ (Matthew 6:11), therefore the question we need to ask regarding the sin of adultery is the evaluation of what sins have you committed that Jesus is unwilling to and has not committed (See Colossians 2:13-14)? If Jesus has forgiven us of all of our sins, why can we not forgive others of their sins?
This does not mean that the adultery does not hurt, nor does it mean that the adultery is to be forgotten. It means forgiven and move forward together and it means that both need to learn something. The situation needs to be evaluated as to what conditions brought about or precipitated the adulterous relationship so that it does not happen again.
5. What if there is physical or sexual abuse?
Psalm 119:71
Proverbs 25:2
James 5:20
Hebrews 10:30
The ultimate goal should be toward the working salvation of the abuser through which healing and restoration can come. The healing and the restoration of the abuser will often come about as the result of being ‘afflicted’. What would this affliction look like then?
Deuteronomy 25:1
Deuteronomy 26:6-9
Genesis 16:6-9; 31:48-50
Exodus 22:22-24
Luke 18:1-5
Romans 13:1-4
2 Samuel 13:11-21
Since physical abuse is a legal issue, it needs to be taken to the proper authorities to facilitate the correction of the individual. The church should also be willing and able to provide for the corrective discipleship of the abused.
Romans 15:1-2
The church will also have to make itself available to help in the restoration and care of the abused during any time of separation.
Romans 12:17-18
As a result of the ongoing abuse that may be addressed to one of the spouses or at the children, a separation may be necessary and extra protection for the children, the ones who are truly innocent in this matter, to reduce the effects on them.
6. What if there is emotional abuse?
Matthew 10:28
Romans 6:11-13; 8:16-18
1 Peter 1:18-19; 3:1-2
While emotional abuse can be just as traumatic to an individual as is physical or sexual abuse, yet the ability to deal with it can be found in the essence of the Gospel itself. The truth is that the abused person needs to turn to God and find their value and their worth in what God says it is and not in what the abuser says it is. Thus it is imperative that the abused find Christian mentors that they can spend time with to help them endure and be able to stand up to the abuser without fear and find joy in their heart based on God’s presence and not on the actions of the abuser.
Divorce without direct abuse just does not make sense from a biblical perspective. This comes about as the result of taking your eyes off of Jesus and placing them on the physical realm. In cases of abuse, there are few people who would be so harsh and hard hearted that the abused has the responsibility to remain in the abuse, the separation needs to be done not out of malice but out of love to see the abuser receive the help that they need. The abused needs to find their worth and their value in the presence of the living God and not base it on what other people say. They are valuable because Jesus died for their sins and God views their worth that way. People tend to look at themselves and seek what is best for themselves, rather than what is best for others. What is best for the abuser is that they be placed in an environment that is separate from the abused and where they can begin to receive the help, through the scriptures, that they need. Most likely the abuser is the result of being abused as well and does not know how to be loved. Only the word and spirit of God can change that person so that they can know what love is and so that restoration can begin.