Beth-El Baptist Church

9/11/05

Greg Tomlinson

What does a Godly husband look like?

In the United States the institution of marriage has been under attack on many sides and for many years. In the past, marriage was attacked in the realm of divorce and most recently marriage has been attacked in the realm of what some call “Gender identity”. Today we will take a look at the Bible to see who can get married and what a husband is.

1. What is the essential definition of marriage?

Genesis 2:22-25

There are several things to note in these verses.

- It is God that brought the man and the woman together

- The man and the woman separate themselves from their families

o Leave carries the idea of forsaking and depart from

- The man and the woman are to cling together

o Cleave carries the idea of clinging or sticking together

- The man and the woman are to become one

o This is not purely in the physical sense

o They are to merge together as one

o Implies work together on all things to be unified in the activities and direction the family is to go

- The English word ‘man’ is ‘ish’ which means “male”

- The English word ‘wife’ is ‘isha’ which means “female”

o God ordained the oneness relationship of marriage between man and woman only

- Embarrassment or shame being naked together of a man and his wife is not to be there

- Other relationships besides the man and his wife being naked together are to be shameful (Leviticus 18:6-17)

Matthew 19:4-6

Mark 10:6-9

Men and women have been around from the beginning of time. Therefore Jesus himself is clearly disavowing Evolution, Gap theory, Day Age theory, and Framework theory of interpretation related to Genesis 1. Instead Jesus reiterates Genesis 2:24 and reconfirms it. Jesus further has declared that marriages are put together by God and not by men. It is therefore contrary to God’s design for marriages that he has arranged to be broken apart in any fashion. God intends for marriage to endure throughout the life of the individuals.

2. What is the husband’s primary role?

Genesis 2:15-17

There are two primary functions that the husband is to have.

- Work to provide for the family

- Keeper or teacher of the word of God in the house

Numbers 30:3-8

He is to be the keeper of the Word of God in the house. Even if his wife or daughter at home makes a “vow” or an oath before God and he disallows it, then she is not to keep the vow and it will not be considered to be a sin against her. Here is the reiteration that it is the man who is to be the teacher of the Word of God and the protector of the family with the Word of God as his guide. He is the one to have the final say and authority over all matters.

3. What are some of the husband’s secondary roles?

Ephesians 5:23; 25-29; 6:4

Colossians 3:19

The husband is to be the head of the household and it is necessary for husbands to love their wives. The love they are to have is the ‘agape’ or a completely sacrificial love that expects nothing in return. This means that while he is to be the head of the house and lead the house in the direction it is to take, he is not to take his God ordained responsibility lightly nor is he to use it for his own purposes. As the head of the house who bears the primary responsibility for the house, he is to finalize the decisions of the house, with guidance and counsel from the wife, to first satisfy the needs of his wife and children and the satisfaction of his own wants and needs are to be secondary. He is to love so sacrificially that he is willing to give his life for the sake of his wife.

4. What are some “traditional” roles of the husband that are incorrect?

Genesis 3:16-17 compare Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18

There are two roles in these verses that are often held and taught but are incorrect. The first is that men are to rule over their wives. While the scriptures say, “he shall rule over thee [Eve]”, this is in the context of a curse. Therefore His “ruling” over her is incorrect. Instead his wife is to be his “help meet”. His companion and partner with whom he is to share in the responsibilities of life together. This does not mean that they are completely equal, for man was given the law of God and he therefore bears the final responsibility and authority for decisions. He is not to rule or dominate over her but love her and sacrificially give to her according to need. His needs and desires come last, hers come first. He is however to realize the differences between him and his wife and receive her wisdom, counsel, and advice in accordance with the strengths that God has given her. Traditionally and scripturally speaking, this will be in the realm of relationships with others. She is generally better equipped to see how decisions and actions will affect other people.

Genesis 4:23 compare 1 Peter 3:7

His wife does not get her identity as being married to the husband. Although there will be some who will know her through her husband, the fact that she is married to her husband is not the source of her identity. In other words, she is a child of God who is precious in his sight first, and the wife of her husband secondarily.

5. How should the husband view his wife?

Genesis 2:23

Proverbs 5:18-19

The husband should view his wife as the only one who can satisfy his needs as a man. It is only his wife who is capable to satisfy him. All other women are nothing in comparison to her.

Proverbs says to be “ravished always with her love” which carries the idea of being so much in desire of her that it would be sinful if she were not your wife. He is to have eyes only for her.

Song of Solomon 1:9; 4:9

The Song of Solomon is more accurately translated “you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh”. All of the horses that drew the Pharaoh’s chariots were studs. Imagine letting a brood mare loose in front of the Pharaoh’s chariot horses. Just as the stud horses would stop at nothing to focus their attention on the mare, the husband is to stop at nothing to be focused on his wife. The idea is that everything stops when she walks into a room. All of his attention and focus is on nothing else but his wife. Her beauty captivates him so.

1 Peter 3:7

First Peter says that husbands are to “dwell with them according to knowledge”. Husbands are to become students of their wives. They are to try to understand everything they can about them: their wants, their desires, their strengths and their weaknesses. They are to give them “honor” as you would give unto a “weaker vessel”. This means that they are to view their wives as though they are a very precious and delicate vessel or like a delicate vase. She is to be prized greatly for she is a gift from God (Proverbs 18:22) and she is to be cherished and diligently protected from anything that can go wrong and damage her or their relationship.

6. What are some reasons that marriages are failing?

Genesis 3:6; 3:9-11

1 Timothy 2:14

The husband (man) failed as his role as the keeper of the Word of God in that he allowed his wife to take control of the spiritual leadership in their relationship. It was his responsibility to reject the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to preserve and protect the family from sin.

The husband has also failed to love his wife appropriately and allowed his own needs to become primary and the wife’s needs as secondary.

Men have taken their eyes off what God has called them to do and looked at what the world says. They do not see their wives as the precious gifts that God intends them to be but they instead look upon their own needs first and their wives are secondary to their own.

7. What is our clearest description of a husband?

Ephesians 5:31-33

The greatest and clearest example of a husband is Jesus Christ himself. It is Jesus who so loved His church (His bride or wife) that he truly was willing and able (in fact did) to give his life for her. He loved the church so much that he literally died for her. Husbands need to look at their wives with the same love and admiration that Jesus looks at his church. Some men may say that their wives are not very pretty, but neither are they (in God’s eyes), but Jesus died for them. Some men may say that their wives are not satisfying their needs, but neither are they satisfying to God, but Jesus forgave them and died for them. Some men say that they just don’t love their wives any more, but who ever said that love, God’s love, marital love is a feeling or an emotion? God’s love, marital love, is agape love. A love that loves out of choice and out of dedicated commitment to the target of the love. Not because they are worthy of that love, but because the choice has been made to simply love them.

Summary

There is a great honor and responsibility with being a husband. Our job is not to make others, including our wives, obey the word and commands of God, but our job is to love our wives, teach the Word of God, and sacrificially give to our families by putting our needs, wants and desires last and putting their needs, wants, and desires first.

Before breaking apart a marriage, husbands (and wives) need to see and understand what they are saying about Jesus Christ (husband) and His Church (wife). There is absolutely no reason that God will ever leave or forsake his wife. He has committed himself to her and loves her because of His nature and Character. He has made that decision. We as Christians need to make that same decision. As husbands to love our wives regardless of whether she weighs 100 or 500 pounds, regardless of whether she is sweet and joyful or a royally selfish individual. God chose to love us so we ought to love our wives.